Invisible

I can't decide if I'm well-adjusted (which I sincerely doubt) or just not activist enough.  Because 99% of the time, I'm OK with being invisible.

You may think, "Well, OK, but I have no idea what you are talking about."  Frankly, that's what I would be expecting you to say.  So let me explain.

I have a friend in the cyberverse who is a year older than I am, and is a fashion blogger.  She posts her outfits and makeup choices every day, and she also has a YouTube channel where she discusses beauty, fashion, life, etc. from the viewpoint of what she calls a "mature" woman (she just turned 63).  She is attractive, seems like a lot of fun, and also has a good sense of style - you know, a person who can put things together and they look fashionable (whereas, I put things on and they are clothes).  I enjoy her blog and her podcasts, but I am pretty sure that if we met in real life, we would not be good friends.

Why?

Because she is an activist when it comes to wanting advertisers and society in general to embrace older women, and the "pro-aging" movement.  She writes to companies all of the time telling them to use someone other than 20-year-old stick models in their advertisements; she asks them to design with the older woman in mind; and she will cancel any magazine subscription where they do not feature any mature women, or use the term "anti-aging."  (She must have a lot of magazine subscriptions, since she has cancelled at least 5 during the time I've known her.)

I get her point.  I really do.  And I will admit that when I see someone who is clearly out of their twenties in an advertisement (print or otherwise), I think it's great.  I do wish that it was easier to find clothes that don't make me look as if I want to relive my teens or twenties (once was more than enough, thank you!), so I can appreciate that part.

But you know what?  I really don't care, in the grand scheme of things.  Even as a teenager and young adult, it seriously never ever occurred to me that women in magazines or on TV were supposed to look like me, or anyone that I knew.  I figured they were out of the norm of my experience because that was their job.  I didn't care about how thin they were/were not, because they didn't look like anyone I ever saw around anyway.  I might think, "Oh that's a nice dress," or like their lipstick or whatever, but NEVER did I get the message that that is how I was supposed to look.  I'm not exactly sure why, but really and truly it just never occurred to me.  Probably because I was a pretty weird kid, but even as a young adult I never expected it.

Then I got older.  And the first time it occurred to me that I was actually "invisible" was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and had a mastectomy.  It became clear to me that because I was older (late 40s) and had no children, it didn't "matter" as much.  If the worst happened, I wouldn't leave half-orphaned children and/or grandchildren  behind, and since I was the age I was, it's not like I should worry about whether or not I looked that good afterwards.  I will admit that this was extremely frustrating, but again, I always just figured it was others' problem, not mine.

So do I care about my appearance?  Yes, of course. I try to look the best I can, when I can.  I keep active so I can enjoy my life more and be healthier, and live longer to be with friends and family.  I enjoy dressing up on occasion, and I do wear makeup and [attempt to] fix my hair.  I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, and have been for most of my life.  And though I would like the world to do things my way, it doesn't.  I don't mind being invisible for the most part.

I don't think I have to look like her:

any more than I think I *should* look like her:

but I also hope I don't look like her:

What about you?  Are you an activist like my cyber-friend?  Or like me, who can understand and appreciate her position on things, but can't be bothered to get worked up over it?

Glamour Do's and Don's

When I was a kid, one of my older sisters had a subscription to Glamour magazine.  She was all about fashion and style, and what was the latest, etc.  I would usually take a look at it, because I took a look at/read nearly everything that was in the house (seriously, my parents had no interest in censorship - I'm sure I'd be in the care of Child Services in today's world).  Sometimes I found it interesting, sometimes it was all beyond my interest or understanding, but my very favorite part ALWAYS was at the end of the magazine, where they would have the page of Do's and Don'ts.

This isn't really a good representation of what it used to look like, but you get the idea.  I used to enjoy this because, at least when I was a kid, I seldom saw people actually dressed or made up like the "Don'ts" and found it highly amusing.

I haven't looked at a Glamour magazine in many years, so I have no idea if I would have the same kind of appreciation for it.  But I'll still see people whose attire or makeup is astonishing/frightening/whatever and think to myself, "Surely that's a Don't."  But that's as far as I take it.

Today though, we have a LOT more people deciding what is or is not appropriate - in just about every category.  I am particularly fond of the ones where they inform us of what women should/should not wear/do after the age of ____ (fill in the blank).   I guess I find it even more shocking/amusing that to some, it's gospel truth!

But a friend recently showed me this item, and I was highly amused because: a) after 30??? are you kidding me???, and b) one of the items is hoop earrings!!!  When I read this, I laughed out loud, because I don't understand how hoop earrings are a problem for anyone of any age.

I'm afraid I don't get it.  Granted, I see some hoop earrings that are so large/heavy/embellished that I would never wear them myself, or I would find them uncomfortable if I did, but I've never seen anyone of any age wearing hoop earrings and thought, "Whoa, that shouldn't be happening."

Shorts where your butt is showing?  I don't personally want to see anyone wearing those.  Sheer tops/dresses/pants?  Same thing.  I mean, there are so many other things to choose from, and someone is taking a stand on HOOP EARRINGS???

If you're looking for me, I'll be taking off my hoop earrings, putting on my orthopedic shoes with rolled down  knee-high nylons, and sitting in my rocking chair until it's time for my medication.

Brrrrr! So Why Are You Dressed Like That?

I don't know about where you are, but yesterday and today, it's been extremely cold in Philadelphia!  Yesterday I looked at the weather widget on my computer, and it said, "Current temp 27 Feels like: 6" and I had to laugh out loud, because the "feels like" wasn't even double digits!

As you may know, I walk back and forth to work.  In all weather.  And I have cold weather down.  I may look like the Michelin Man's homeless sister, but when I get to where I am going, I'm OK and not freezing.  To quote The Tim, I just "yeti-up and head out."

Granted, in weather like this, even if I'm not freezing while walking around, I still know how cold it is, as I am not able to completely swath my person.  But I will never, ever, ever understand certain things about people (OK, particularly women) related to this kind of weather:

1.  Sleeveless dresses without a sweater or jacket, etc.
2.  Open-toed shoes
3.  No tights, socks, etc.
4.  No gloves, scarf, etc.

Yesterday I was at a meeting with two women - who granted, looked lovely - but they were in sleevless dresses, and kept talking about how cold they were.  I asked if they'd forgotten to bring their sweaters to the meeting, and each one said they didn't bring sweaters with them at all.  One even said, "This dress looks awful with a sweater."

My sympathy level: -82

And then I see people walking around like this:

Um, no.  You may look stylin' but generally these people are also huddled into themselves, complaining about how cold it is.  1. Button your coat.   2. Buy gloves.  3. Wear closed-toe shoes.  4. Buy a hat or earmuffs.  5. (Most importantly) GET OVER YOURSELF, it feels like 7 freakin' degrees out!

My sympathy level:  negative off the charts.

I could go on: stiletto heels in the ice and snow, miniskirts with bare legs, etc.

Look, I don't know anyone whose goal is to look like crap every day of their lives.  And I can understand that for some people, looking as fashionable as possible is a goal.   I also understand the dreaded hat head issue.

But I would like to posit that you can still look nice, and be warm.  I'm not claiming to be a fashion plate by any means, but I've never scared a small child by being bundled up or made someone vomit from disgust when they see me walking around in cold weather.

And if you want to dress fashionably, and not look like I do when walking around, then SHUT UP about it!  It get so tired of people who are improperly dressed complaining that they are cold.

Now, if you used to live in a tropical climate, and just moved here, I get it.  But if you have lived here for even one winter, you have no excuse.  Even with global warming, there are still cold snaps and the polar vortex.  And I also understand that some are too poor to afford even a coat, and that is where the concern should be.

Also, don't tell me "you didn't know it was going to be like this" because even if you are obsessed with spending the day staring at your phone, there are still plenty of opportunities to hear or see a weather report.

There's a reason Santa dresses like he does, you know.  ;-)