Am I Old? Does It Matter? Do I Care?

Hello, sorry it's been awhile, but life has been kicking my butt the past few months, and though I've had things I've wanted to say, I couldn't get myself to actually say them here.  But I'm taking a break at work right now, and thought I'd go ahead and post.

This morning a co-worker asked me for the eleventy-billionth time why I am not retired.  She is not a person who likes me, and is frequently making comments about how I'm so old, and how I should be retired, etc., etc.  My most favorite recent thing was when she complained to HR because every morning when she gets in, I say "Good morning" to her, and she doesn't want me to talk to her (which I didn't know).  I asked the HR person if she saw the irony of calling me in to talk to me when I was the one with good manners.  She agreed, but said I should try not to "annoy" the person anyway. 

As my friend Lisa used to say, Jesus Christ on a snowmobile!

Anyway.  The basic answer to why I am not retired is that I cannot afford to retire.  And sadly, it doesn't look like I can even plan to retire anytime in the next few years, if at all.  Which is extremely disappointing to me, since I had a plan to retire and become a dog walker because a) dogs, and b) exercise.  Fortunately I have a dog of my own to walk now, even if I do it for free.  :-)

The funny thing about getting that question yet again this a.m., is that since then, I have read two things that were specifically geared towards discussions of age. 

The first was this blog post, which caused me to immediately go to the public library website and put a hold on the book discussed.  I enjoy seeing people discuss language as well, and the concept of "ageless" as an ageist concept was interesting to me.  Sort of like the whole discussion a year or so ago where beauty products were encouraged to be "pro-aging" as opposed to "anti-aging."  There are so many ways and levels to even start this discussion, but I feel that a lot of the time - as with so many other things in life - we start out with guns blazing, and then fall back when something else shiny shows up, or life happens, etc.  (I must admit to ALWAYS being distracted by shiny things, both literally and figuratively speaking.)

Then a friend of mine who has recently decided that she is through worrying about her weight and dieting sent me a link to this article.

First of all, can I say how much the title amuses me?  I thought at first, "Wait, I thought Liz was giving up on diets," and then really appreciated how the author was making it work.  Yes, it discusses diet culture and how it messes us up, etc., but it also addresses how we feel about ourselves throughout our lives and how we let others define our place - a pretty teenager, a young mom, a woman with middle-age-spread, and old lady.  Laura Lippman takes us on her personal journey, and uses herself as an example of how hard it can be sometimes to be happy in our own skin.

Am I Old?  I'm 63 years old, so yes, I guess I'm old as opposed to being middle-aged (since I have no expectation of living to be 126).  Some days, I *feel* really old.  I don't think I look particularly old, but then again, I have always - even as a teenager - been comfortable in my own skin, and though I don't want to look scary, or decrepit, I also don't want to look 25, and I enjoy being able to move my forehead. 

Does It Matter?  Sometimes, like when I can't get a job interview because it's assumed I'll be retiring soon.  Or when people assume that I don't understand something because it's "something young people think/do/say."  I mean, it's not stopping me from living my life.  I'd rather be my age than dead. 

Do I Care?  I have always longed to be 64, even since The Beatles sang about it.  And I really really hoped to have animals at the time named Vera, Chuck, and Dave.  I *will* be 64 next year, but I'm not gonna suddenly have three more animals, so that's kinda too bad.  Otherwise, I don't let my age bother me too much.  I must admit that a lot of the time, I have to stop and think for a minute when someone asks me how old I am, because I just don't give it a lot of thought.  Again, I'd rather be my age than dead.

If you go to Google Images, and enter "old lady," you mostly get this:

(OK, I'll admit that I kinda sorta identify with the woman above ...)

But "old women" also look like this:

and of course, one of my faves:

(Yes, I know she has a stylist, etc. for her personal apprearances, red carpets, and

other stuff.  I just like her because I think she is pretty amazing no matter what.)

How do you feel about all of this?  Do you mind getting older?  Do you like the way you look for the most part?  I'm curious.

Invisible

I can't decide if I'm well-adjusted (which I sincerely doubt) or just not activist enough.  Because 99% of the time, I'm OK with being invisible.

You may think, "Well, OK, but I have no idea what you are talking about."  Frankly, that's what I would be expecting you to say.  So let me explain.

I have a friend in the cyberverse who is a year older than I am, and is a fashion blogger.  She posts her outfits and makeup choices every day, and she also has a YouTube channel where she discusses beauty, fashion, life, etc. from the viewpoint of what she calls a "mature" woman (she just turned 63).  She is attractive, seems like a lot of fun, and also has a good sense of style - you know, a person who can put things together and they look fashionable (whereas, I put things on and they are clothes).  I enjoy her blog and her podcasts, but I am pretty sure that if we met in real life, we would not be good friends.

Why?

Because she is an activist when it comes to wanting advertisers and society in general to embrace older women, and the "pro-aging" movement.  She writes to companies all of the time telling them to use someone other than 20-year-old stick models in their advertisements; she asks them to design with the older woman in mind; and she will cancel any magazine subscription where they do not feature any mature women, or use the term "anti-aging."  (She must have a lot of magazine subscriptions, since she has cancelled at least 5 during the time I've known her.)

I get her point.  I really do.  And I will admit that when I see someone who is clearly out of their twenties in an advertisement (print or otherwise), I think it's great.  I do wish that it was easier to find clothes that don't make me look as if I want to relive my teens or twenties (once was more than enough, thank you!), so I can appreciate that part.

But you know what?  I really don't care, in the grand scheme of things.  Even as a teenager and young adult, it seriously never ever occurred to me that women in magazines or on TV were supposed to look like me, or anyone that I knew.  I figured they were out of the norm of my experience because that was their job.  I didn't care about how thin they were/were not, because they didn't look like anyone I ever saw around anyway.  I might think, "Oh that's a nice dress," or like their lipstick or whatever, but NEVER did I get the message that that is how I was supposed to look.  I'm not exactly sure why, but really and truly it just never occurred to me.  Probably because I was a pretty weird kid, but even as a young adult I never expected it.

Then I got older.  And the first time it occurred to me that I was actually "invisible" was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and had a mastectomy.  It became clear to me that because I was older (late 40s) and had no children, it didn't "matter" as much.  If the worst happened, I wouldn't leave half-orphaned children and/or grandchildren  behind, and since I was the age I was, it's not like I should worry about whether or not I looked that good afterwards.  I will admit that this was extremely frustrating, but again, I always just figured it was others' problem, not mine.

So do I care about my appearance?  Yes, of course. I try to look the best I can, when I can.  I keep active so I can enjoy my life more and be healthier, and live longer to be with friends and family.  I enjoy dressing up on occasion, and I do wear makeup and [attempt to] fix my hair.  I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, and have been for most of my life.  And though I would like the world to do things my way, it doesn't.  I don't mind being invisible for the most part.

I don't think I have to look like her:

any more than I think I *should* look like her:

but I also hope I don't look like her:

What about you?  Are you an activist like my cyber-friend?  Or like me, who can understand and appreciate her position on things, but can't be bothered to get worked up over it?

Glamour Do's and Don's

When I was a kid, one of my older sisters had a subscription to Glamour magazine.  She was all about fashion and style, and what was the latest, etc.  I would usually take a look at it, because I took a look at/read nearly everything that was in the house (seriously, my parents had no interest in censorship - I'm sure I'd be in the care of Child Services in today's world).  Sometimes I found it interesting, sometimes it was all beyond my interest or understanding, but my very favorite part ALWAYS was at the end of the magazine, where they would have the page of Do's and Don'ts.

This isn't really a good representation of what it used to look like, but you get the idea.  I used to enjoy this because, at least when I was a kid, I seldom saw people actually dressed or made up like the "Don'ts" and found it highly amusing.

I haven't looked at a Glamour magazine in many years, so I have no idea if I would have the same kind of appreciation for it.  But I'll still see people whose attire or makeup is astonishing/frightening/whatever and think to myself, "Surely that's a Don't."  But that's as far as I take it.

Today though, we have a LOT more people deciding what is or is not appropriate - in just about every category.  I am particularly fond of the ones where they inform us of what women should/should not wear/do after the age of ____ (fill in the blank).   I guess I find it even more shocking/amusing that to some, it's gospel truth!

But a friend recently showed me this item, and I was highly amused because: a) after 30??? are you kidding me???, and b) one of the items is hoop earrings!!!  When I read this, I laughed out loud, because I don't understand how hoop earrings are a problem for anyone of any age.

I'm afraid I don't get it.  Granted, I see some hoop earrings that are so large/heavy/embellished that I would never wear them myself, or I would find them uncomfortable if I did, but I've never seen anyone of any age wearing hoop earrings and thought, "Whoa, that shouldn't be happening."

Shorts where your butt is showing?  I don't personally want to see anyone wearing those.  Sheer tops/dresses/pants?  Same thing.  I mean, there are so many other things to choose from, and someone is taking a stand on HOOP EARRINGS???

If you're looking for me, I'll be taking off my hoop earrings, putting on my orthopedic shoes with rolled down  knee-high nylons, and sitting in my rocking chair until it's time for my medication.