Am I Old? Does It Matter? Do I Care?

Hello, sorry it's been awhile, but life has been kicking my butt the past few months, and though I've had things I've wanted to say, I couldn't get myself to actually say them here.  But I'm taking a break at work right now, and thought I'd go ahead and post.

This morning a co-worker asked me for the eleventy-billionth time why I am not retired.  She is not a person who likes me, and is frequently making comments about how I'm so old, and how I should be retired, etc., etc.  My most favorite recent thing was when she complained to HR because every morning when she gets in, I say "Good morning" to her, and she doesn't want me to talk to her (which I didn't know).  I asked the HR person if she saw the irony of calling me in to talk to me when I was the one with good manners.  She agreed, but said I should try not to "annoy" the person anyway. 

As my friend Lisa used to say, Jesus Christ on a snowmobile!

Anyway.  The basic answer to why I am not retired is that I cannot afford to retire.  And sadly, it doesn't look like I can even plan to retire anytime in the next few years, if at all.  Which is extremely disappointing to me, since I had a plan to retire and become a dog walker because a) dogs, and b) exercise.  Fortunately I have a dog of my own to walk now, even if I do it for free.  :-)

The funny thing about getting that question yet again this a.m., is that since then, I have read two things that were specifically geared towards discussions of age. 

The first was this blog post, which caused me to immediately go to the public library website and put a hold on the book discussed.  I enjoy seeing people discuss language as well, and the concept of "ageless" as an ageist concept was interesting to me.  Sort of like the whole discussion a year or so ago where beauty products were encouraged to be "pro-aging" as opposed to "anti-aging."  There are so many ways and levels to even start this discussion, but I feel that a lot of the time - as with so many other things in life - we start out with guns blazing, and then fall back when something else shiny shows up, or life happens, etc.  (I must admit to ALWAYS being distracted by shiny things, both literally and figuratively speaking.)

Then a friend of mine who has recently decided that she is through worrying about her weight and dieting sent me a link to this article.

First of all, can I say how much the title amuses me?  I thought at first, "Wait, I thought Liz was giving up on diets," and then really appreciated how the author was making it work.  Yes, it discusses diet culture and how it messes us up, etc., but it also addresses how we feel about ourselves throughout our lives and how we let others define our place - a pretty teenager, a young mom, a woman with middle-age-spread, and old lady.  Laura Lippman takes us on her personal journey, and uses herself as an example of how hard it can be sometimes to be happy in our own skin.

Am I Old?  I'm 63 years old, so yes, I guess I'm old as opposed to being middle-aged (since I have no expectation of living to be 126).  Some days, I *feel* really old.  I don't think I look particularly old, but then again, I have always - even as a teenager - been comfortable in my own skin, and though I don't want to look scary, or decrepit, I also don't want to look 25, and I enjoy being able to move my forehead. 

Does It Matter?  Sometimes, like when I can't get a job interview because it's assumed I'll be retiring soon.  Or when people assume that I don't understand something because it's "something young people think/do/say."  I mean, it's not stopping me from living my life.  I'd rather be my age than dead. 

Do I Care?  I have always longed to be 64, even since The Beatles sang about it.  And I really really hoped to have animals at the time named Vera, Chuck, and Dave.  I *will* be 64 next year, but I'm not gonna suddenly have three more animals, so that's kinda too bad.  Otherwise, I don't let my age bother me too much.  I must admit that a lot of the time, I have to stop and think for a minute when someone asks me how old I am, because I just don't give it a lot of thought.  Again, I'd rather be my age than dead.

If you go to Google Images, and enter "old lady," you mostly get this:

(OK, I'll admit that I kinda sorta identify with the woman above ...)

But "old women" also look like this:

and of course, one of my faves:

(Yes, I know she has a stylist, etc. for her personal apprearances, red carpets, and

other stuff.  I just like her because I think she is pretty amazing no matter what.)

How do you feel about all of this?  Do you mind getting older?  Do you like the way you look for the most part?  I'm curious.

In Which I Decide My "Planning" Failed ...

Today, I got notification of a comment on this blog to my last post.  Now, I don't get many comments at all here, which is fine, because I do this for myself because I like to write about things.  But since I don't get many comments, I'm always curious to see who is commenting.  And the comment I was notified about was from someone I just started following on Instagram, so that was nice. 

What surprised me is that it was not on my most recent post, but that the date of that post was November 2018!  I thought for sure I'd posted more recently.  So I hopped on over to look.  And well, I had - but those 5 posts were still in the "Draft" stage.  Eejit.  I'd been so proud of myself for getting some things done ahead of time.  But guess what?  Unless you hit "Publish," nothing happens. 

Anyway, I just deleted those because they were either outdated ("Happy New Year!") or not well-thought out (thankfully a Draft in those cases), or because they made no sense to me reading them now.  So you really haven't missed anything great, haha.

Do you ever do things like this?  Where you think you did something and then are surprised to find out you either didn't do it at all, or forgot the last step?  Fortunately, it doesn't happen to me too often, but when it does, it's always a surprise. 

I blame social media. 

OK, not really, but it's the  most convenient thing to blame for everything and anything these days, so I thought it was worth a try.  :-)

In any event, I'll be back soon to report on The Great Switching of the Seasonal Clothes in the Closet.  For someone who doesn't have that many clothes, it's ridiculous what a project it becomes.  Mostly because I get annoyed or bored and only do it in fits and starts until it gets to the point of ridiculousness.  And that point has arrived.

Now I'm actually going to hit "Publish."  So that's it for now.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Count Yourself Lucky

My kingdom for a lemon!  I love lemons, pretty much in any way, shape, or form.

But as you have likely guessed, I'm not writing a post about lemons.  Rather, explaining where I have been and what has happened since my last post at the end of August. 

Just as a quick recap - all is well.  But life is life, and things happen.

Work got crazy in September and October, since a new system was introduced and of course we had received no training and only a week's notice that it was coming.  Was I freaked out?  Yes, but as with most things, I realized that I could only move forward with it because I had no choice.  However, my co-workers are among the most dramatic people on the planet, and the angst and hand-wringing and whining made every day a challenge.  Especially since we are currently all in one too-small office together, with absolutely no personal space.

The first week of October, I was diagnosed with pneumonia, which explained the horrific way I'd been feeling for weeks.  Fortunately, once I had rest and proper meds, I recovered without incident.  We had October 8 off work for Columbus Day, and I had big plans, since was feeling better.  So I took the dog for a walk before getting started.  And I fell, breaking two front teeth and my right wrist.  I had surgery to repair it (with a plate and pins inserted) on October 12, and the next couple of weeks were a haze of pain and painkillers.  I am now on my fourth cast, though this one is more of a splint, and occupational therapy begins this coming Monday.  My orthopedic surgeon informed me that it could easily be a year until I am back to normal.

As you can imagine, all of this has put a real block into my life and holiday plans.  As far as knitting goes, I had already finished the primary things I wanted to make for people for birthday and Christmas gifts, because I cannot knit at all.  The thing is, can't do much else, either.  No baking.  No pulling out the decorations. 

BUT - here is what I am hoping:  that my occupational therapy will show progress so that I can do the small amount that is my contribution to Thanksgiving dinner (The Tim is responsible for the bulk of the cooking, his choice), and that by Christmastime, I'll be able to do even more, including decorations.  Because for me, that is part of the fun!

Of course, I may be too optimistic.  And I'll survive if that is the case.  I'll do what I can, and hope that by this time next year, this will just be a blip of memory - a case of life giving me more lemons than I really need right now.  :-)

Have a lovely weekend!

Grumpy

Even though I am tired of people 24/7, right now they are really bugging me.  I'm sure a lot of it is just me and my own feelings/opinions about everything.  But seriously, some of them are just so damn clueless it makes me want to scream.

Feel free to stop reading and come back another day if you like.  I get it. 

There is a woman whose blog I read pretty regularly and mostly enjoy.  She seems to have a good sense of humor, likes to try different makeup and report back on it, and has dealt with being unemployed off and on over the past three or four years.  She is obsessed with having cosmetic companies use "pro-aging" models for their products, and does a lot of whining about how they do not.  I'll admit that gets on my nerves, but I get where she is coming from.  I just wish that she didn't go off on it in every single blog post, regardless of the topic. 

Her latest thing is that she doesn't want summer to end.  And the majority of people I know in real life as well as in cyberspace seem to be in love with summer, so that in and of itself is not the part that makes me grumpy.  What makes me grumpy is that she spends an entire post talking about how wonderful her life is in the summer, when she can spend weekends at her beach house and a month every summer in Europe visiting her husband's family.  Frankly, as someone who is not a fan of summer, I could probably like it more if I had a beach house and spent a month in Europe every year.  She writes about it like it's the norm, and why don't the people who dislike summer realize how great it is? 

And she, along with several others that I know, make me really grumpy with this.  Does it occur to them that they are speaking from a place of extreme privilege (at least in my world)?  I mean, I live a pretty privileged life compared to so many other people, and I realize that.  So it just makes me want to slap someone upside the head when they say things like, "If I can't get away, I'll go mad."  Yeah, so what, we all feel like that.  Most of us can't "get away" as in trips to Europe, or the Caribbean, etc. for a "quick trip" no matter how much we might wish to do so.

I work with a young woman who lives in a house that her parents gave to her and her husband.  It is bought and paid for, and yes, they do have to spend their own money on utilities, taxes, etc.  They have a 2 year old son who goes to a pricey, fancy daycare that her parents also pay for, and besides the house, that is a HUGE thing, since even cheap daycare is ridiculously expensive. 

She wants to have a new house, because theirs is "too small" now that they have a kid.  But none of the houses they like are ones they can afford, and she finds this personally offensive.  Every time she talks about it, she says, "They are just so expensive, and I don't want to pay that much."  Fine.  Houses are expensive, I guess especially when you are living in one where you never ever had to figure out how to pay the mortgage.  The other day she said, "We have looked at so many houses, we just need to get away.  My parents are coming to stay with the kid, and we are going to Turks and Caicos for the long weekend.  We *have* to get away."  Oh how my heart bleeds.

I guess my issue is this: if you have money to do and go where you want, that's truly wonderful.  Enjoy it and do all you can.  But PLEASE stop talking about how hard your life of privilege is, and how you just *have* to go someplace else.  Everyone has something that is hard or difficult or problematic in their lives.  Everyone would like a break, even if it means staying home and being left alone.  But most people, regardless of desire, can't afford to live the life the aforementioned people take for granted. 

A few weeks ago, a new colleague asked me how many children I had.  I responded that I have no children.  She said, "Well then, you must do a lot of traveling," and when I said, we enjoy traveling but don't get to do a lot of it, she said, "Why not?  Surely you have the money." 

Sigh.  No. No, we don't.  Just because we do not have children it does not mean that we are swimming in cash.  We are fortunate because we are able to pay our bills, but it's a close call every single month, some more than others.  Of course we spend money on things that are not necessities, but it's not a lot, and it's not all the time.  This colleague was extremely puzzled and kept asking questions about why we didn't have a lot of money, and a) it's rude, b) it's none of her business anyway, and c) I finally told her that I felt it wasn't something she needed to know.  She was a bit put out by that. 

As my mother used to tell us, "Well you know what they say in Russia: 'toughsky shitsky.' "

When Gardening Is a Workout

I'm sitting here today with, frankly, a sore butt.  A sore butt that is a result of ... gardening?? 

Last spring, I spent every weekend for approximately a month cleaning up/cleaning out our garden area so that when the weather was not incredibly hot and humid, we could sit outside and enjoy it all.  Each weekend, I would do a certain amount, so as not to be overcome with tiredness and the amount of physical activity. 

This past spring, here in the Philadelphia area, it rained non-stop practically every single weekend.  The few that it did not, we were either not in town, or had other commitments.  So the garden was left to its own devices, and was to put it mildly, a mess.  Last weekend, the weather was pretty perfect - warm but not overly hot, and with very little humidity.  On both Saturday and Sunday mornings, I went out early and worked on getting things cleaned up and organized.  Our garden area is not large, but because it had been left alone, there were leaves, sticks, blown trash, and overgrown weeds everywhere.  (Three large garden trash bags' worth to start!)  But finally it was looking better.

As for me, I easily got a all-body workout doing the cleaning up.  Between standing up and squatting down, kneeling and pulling out weed roots, and raking and sweeping, every bit of me felt the burn, as they say.  I was a little bit sore, but nothing two acetaminophen didn't help.

Yesterday and today, I am off work, in my continuing and final attempt to use vacation days instead of losing them (tomorrow is the end of our year at work).  It had rained pretty heavily overnight on Wednesday to Thursday, so yesterday morning I took myself outside to do some planting, as we had bought some flowers and plants last weekend.  Things don't always do really well for us, because except for a planter in front of the house, the actual garden area doesn't get a lot of full, strong sunlight.  We discovered last year that in both places, New Guinea impatiens plants were VERY happy, as well as being pretty.  Since we got started late this year, there were only two of those left where we had gone, but they looked pretty healthy, so we got those as well as some marigolds, asters, and some annuals.  Everything was planted yesterday, and so far, is still alive.  :-)

(Not ours - just an example of what the New Guinea impatiens look like)

But oh boy do I have a sore butt today!  I guess the prolonged kneeling (I have one of those garden pads, so was not kneeling on bricks), and stretching was a workout for my posterior area.  Not that it's a problem - that area can use all the help it can get!  But I was surprised at how it felt this morning - I must have really given it a workout!

Never having lived anywhere with a huge yard, and not having parents who were interested in gardens or lawns, I never realized how you could get in shape that way.  Having said that, I'm perfectly happy with the size of our garden, and the amount of work it provides for us.  It's just another example of why I would be a crappy suburban neighbor.  So, suburbanites, be VERY happy that I live in the city, and not next door to you! 

Have a great weekend, and enjoy whatever exercise you can get.  But mostly, if you are in one of the many places in the U.S. and abroad where major heat waves are occurring/are starting to occur, keep cool!

Yes, I Have a Butt. Yes, It Was Kicked.

I thought I'd report on my experience with the Bar Method class I took last week, and mentioned in my previous post.  You can likely get the idea based on the title of this post.

Saying that the workout kicked my butt is an understatement.  Wow, is it a tough workout!  I did at least a few of almost every exercise (and felt it most of last week), but I am here to say that it's something you really really need to work up to, unless you are already a *very* flexible person. 

I can say that the overall atmosphere was lovely.  There was music in the background, because of course you can't NOT have that nowadays, but at least it was really in the background.  The instructor was kind and really helpful, and as I had been told, it was truly a group exercise class where each person was doing their own thing.  Which I have to say I really liked.  I didn't get the impression at all that anyone else was watching or caring about what I could or could not do, what I was wearing, how old I am, etc.  In that way it was a truly positive experience.

I spoke to the instructor who had arranged for a comp class for me, and let her know my thoughts.  She was grateful, and said that it has definitely convinced her to do a Beginner Level series of classes in the fall.  That's a good thing, because it will give me a chance to save up what money I can to take those, and give me the summer to continue working on gaining some strength and flexibility on my own. 

The best thing about the classes as far as I can tell is that you would most definitely gain strength as well as flexibility.  I know it sounds weird to say this, but that is what I liked most about physical therapy after my first cancer surgery - it had the same kind of emphasis, and changed the way I thought about exercise and my body.  If you have a Bar Method studio near you, I would say that you should save your money and take some of the classes, because I was really impressed (if sore!).

This week I am on vacation, not going anywhere in particular, just enjoying a week not being at work.  I plan to do some activity/exercise/movement every day, because I will be on a schedule that is only what I want it to be.  Today's activity is simply walking back and forth across town to a dr appt in the heat and humidity.  I know better than to push myself other than that - but it will also be a good workout for me. 

I see LOTS of water in my plans for today!  :-)

Fitness Friday : I'm Still Here!

Well, hello!  I didn't mean to be gone for so long, but I'm here now in any case.  If you read my other blog you probably know what I've been up to, craft-wise and reading-wise.

I know that especially at the beginning of the year, I talked about becoming more fit.  And then I also said I was planning to take advantage of some Pilates classes.  I have not really said anything about either thing since, have I?

The results are mixed.  I have been trying really hard to move around regularly, and to watch what I eat.  I've been successful in that I have been able to remain motivated, but I have not really been successful as far as physical changes.  I've discussed this with two of my doctors, who have not been able to determine exactly why - I mean, we all know that losing weight is harder when you are older, but they can find no medical reason why I am not losing any weight (and both of them suggest trying to drop 15 pounds to stay healthy).  So it's time to up the exercise and see if that helps not just with losing weight, but gaining strength and fitness (which is actually the most important thing to me personally).

So let's review.  I took the Beginner Pilates Mat classes, and LOVED them!  I was in no way good at it, but I really enjoyed them, and they made me feel like I had better posture.  My coupon special expired at the end of May, so now I'm on my own.  I've been looking for free online classes, so I can keep up with it.  As with real-life classes, some classes and some instructors are better than others, but I have a couple that I really like, so hopefully I can keep going for that.  Because I just can't afford the regular classes, those suckers are crazy expensive!

Local Yarn Store Day happened, and I won a raffle, which was incredibly exciting, since I don't win most of the time.  One of the prizes was a free, one-on-one workout of The Bar Method, which recently opened a studio near our house.  My first inclination was to just not bother, because frankly I figured it would be something I wouldn't enjoy, even a one-on-one free class.  But then I thought, what the heck - it's free, and made an appt.  I had truly low expectations.

You know what? It was so great!  The person doing the one-on-one was one of the owners of the local studio, and she could not have been nicer or more helpful.  She said she had originally hoped to do a beginner series, but since this is the first summer they are open, she hesitated to do that until they had an idea of how well they would or would not do overall.  Understandable.  Anyway, it was fun and she was incredibly encouraging.  There were some things I just could not do, and other things I could do but not for as long as the class does them.  She said that in her opinion, the good thing about the classes are that, although they are group classes, everyone is doing their own thing the best that they can, and the instructors help each person in the class.  I though that it was probably something she said to everyone, but then when I was getting changed in the locker room, there were a couple of older women getting ready for an actual class who claimed the same thing when I asked them about their experiences.  Hm.

Anyway, the owner/instructor who helped me was a) extremely nice, b) not pushy or judgemental, and c) most importantly, not constantly giving me a sales spiel.  She has invited me to be her guest at a regular class this Sunday morning to see how/if I like it.  I told her that I would love to try it, but warned her I would likely not be able to afford to go regularly.  She said that if I liked the class, and felt that I could do it at all, she would figure out a way to make it affordable to me.  I don't know if that will be true, but I'm gonna see how it all goes on Sunday in any event.

Another thing that is helping is that I can now ride my bicycle more than I do in the winter.  I love riding my bike, and can even cycle back and forth from work.  But I'm not a person who cycles regardless of the weather - I guess I'm a weather wimp that way!  When it's freezing, raining, or just incredibly cold outside, I'm not interested in riding my bike.  If I absolutely *had* to, I'm sure I would, but given the choice, I'll wait for better weather.

If you know me, you know I'm not a fan of summer.  But I have to admit that it makes it so much easier to eat well.  Fresh fruits and veggies are not just more available, but more affordable.  And even when I was a little kid, I LOVED fruits and veggies!  So I'm hoping that will make all of the rest of it even better because I do love to eat.

So that's what has been going on around here.  I know that being more active and eating well makes me feel better not just physically but mentally.  I want to be as healthy and as fit as I can be, and if it can help me keep it together better overall, there's no down side.

In summary:

1. Keep exercising.
2. Ride my bike.
3. Try new things.
4. Benefit from all the good food available now.
5. Stay accountable.

If you want to try along with me, all the better!

Here's to a good and healthy weekend.