23 August 2016

Feelings Are Exhausting

Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who go through life without any intensity to their feelings.  I think we all know someone like that.  When they are happy, they are happy enough.  Same when they are sad, confused, etc.  They live their lives without extremes.

I, on the other hand, am way too intense for my own good.  I've always known this, and though I consciously try to balance my feelings, it's not that easy.  I do manage most of the time to go through life doing well, but most of the time it takes some effort.  

A few months ago, I decided I was going to try and consciously be as happy as I could be every day.  I surmised that, except for a few people, most people that you are around on a regular basis, who are acquaintances or co-workers, don't spend a lot of time thinking about how you feel.  When they ask "How are you?" they are actually hoping that you'll respond that you are fine, or that if you don't, it's something quick like, "Oh I'm tired, I didn't sleep well last night."  No one wants to know your entire thought process and your emotional well-being stories.  And that makes sense.  Everyone has their own stuff to deal with every single day.

So I did my best to be positive and agreeable.  Some days were a lot easier than others.  I'm not sure anyone cared or particularly noticed - if they did, no one said anything.  One of my co-workers is a person who does NOTHING but complain, mostly about things that don't matter, and she presented a huge challenge.  I didn't want to let her drag me into her negativity.  Even on the occasions when she did, I was able to pull myself out without much trouble.

But you know what?  It's really exhausting to have feelings and just carry on every single day no matter what.  I'm sure you know this if you are a person who is not even as intense as I am.  I found, and find it, as hard to be positive as I do to be sad and miserable.  Keeping things on a reasonable and even keel takes a lot of effort.  Feeling sad but not despairing is as tiring as feeling happy but not euphoric.  Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I hope anyone else out there who is trying to keep themselves going every single day, no matter how happy, sad, tired, or anything else they are, will keep trying.  I have learned the hard way that we only get this one shot at a life, and it's worth making an effort to do as well as possible.  In the end, the most important thing is to be yourself.

But wow, it takes a lot out of you! :-)


Vera said...

It IS exhausting Bridget! By nature I am a very private person and at work don't talk much about what is going on that bothers or worries me. Good stuff I will relay quickly, but without a lot of details. I have a co-worker who is similar to the one you mention -- nothing is ever right or going her way or whatever. Her (grown) sons do not do enough for her, her friends do not treat her the way she wants to be treated, she can't lose weight, she never gets anything done that she wants to, etc., etc. And she tells me EVERY morning what's wrong. Oy vey! It's gotten to the point where I have started laughing. This morning she looked at me and said this (whatever it was she told me about - I can't even remember) wouldn't bother you at all, would it? I said nope - no one's life is in danger and you do have the option of changing your own attitude. She walked off pretty soon after that...

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think you and I are sisters from another mister!

My mantra right now is ---- step by step, get through THIS day and maybe tomorrow will be THE one. I am SO ready to be OUT OF ORLANDO, I am tired of going to doctors, I am tired of .................

I KNOW I should be thankful for all the good things in my life, but right now ....things are just pissing me off!

I would guess ALL of my friends would say --- Oh Dee? Her life is perfect. It's not. I just keep a lot of it to myself.

Mereknits said...

thank you for your honsety. I have been going through a more difficult time lately and I am just so TIRED all the time. Tired of thinking about things, and tried every day for just getting through the day. I look at all these super positive posts by people and I think what is wrong with my life that I always feel so overwhelmed? That is a big reason why I don't look at Facebook, that and reading everyone's ridiculous political beliefs. I try to be very positive, and for the most part I am but really it is exhausting!

elns said...

Okay Bridget. I feel like you are all up in my head these days. I really appreciate this post. I feel very similar to you and acknowledge that it's easier for me to let the wallow happen or to cling to the thing that has me riled up or righteous for whatever reason.

But our self awareness keeps us together, even when it's exhausting. Processing thinking, feeling and sharing, feeling and NOT sharing. The thing I'm going through right now is fighting the feeling to apologize for feeling the way I feel if it's not dragging anyone else down. Just because I don't see the world in rainbows all the time is OK. I can have a bad moment and a bad hour or week, it doesn't mean I'm always that way.

Sorry. Can you tell I'm dealing with my own?

Here's to dealing with all the feels. Wishing you well and a fabulous weekend!