24 April 2015

In Which I Make An Amazing Discovery

And not just amazing, but a discovery about myself!

A couple of nights ago, I went into the bathroom to wash my face before putting on my pajamas.  I looked in the mirror, and realized that I do look different.  In that, I look older.  This is because - well, I am older!  But though I look in the mirror a bazillion times in any given week, this was the first time in a long time I really thought about what I saw or whose face it was.  I won't lie, I was a little surprised.

I still have rosacea.  It's under control pretty well, thanks to my amazing dermatologist and effort on my part.

I still have freckles, though they are not as noticeable as they used to be.

I have creases on my forehead, and between my eyes at the top of my nose.  Partly I'm sure due to aging, but also because I do have a tendency to frown or furrow my brow when I'm thinking hard or trying to figure something out.  Or when I'm annoyed (read: frequently!).

My skin is in really good shape.  This was not always the case.  Between the rosacea, sunburns as a child, and teenage acne, my skin used to be in pretty sad shape.  But now, it's actually healthy-looking, if not perfect.  I'll take it.

My eyebrows are thinning.  They were never that full or dark, anyway.

I have some crows' feet, and some undereye bags, and some plain old wrinkles.  Not terrible, but there nonetheless.

But you know what the most amazing discovery was?  I realized that it was all OK with me.  I think because my skin is in better shape now than it ever was, any flaws or signs that I am no longer a kid are just not a big deal.  Yes, I use face and eye products that I feel give me the best result for what I am paying, but except for sunscreen, I could give them up if I had to.  And I wear makeup, both because I think it's fun and because it evens out my skin tone, but I don't wear a lot of makeup - and there are days when, if I'm just hanging out at home, or not really going anywhere, I don't bother with makeup at all.

I'm OK with my face, and with the signs of age that you can see on it.  I think I look good, and not haggard and worn (though some days I feel that way).  I cannot imagine a scenario where I would get something like Botox, or get any kind of surgery.  Mostly because I am not that worried about it, and prefer not to have someone putting needles or anything that cuts in, on, or near my face.

I'm getting older.  I look like I'm getting older.  It really truly is OK with me, because I still look like myself to me.  This was an unexpected and comforting discovery.  But definitely a good one.

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