Seriously, What Is the Deal With Men?

OK, that is a gross generalization, as I know plenty of men who are wonderful human beings - fun, talented, smart, reasonable, and as far as I'm concerned, "normal." 

I won't be talking about them in this post though.  Instead I will be making gross generalizations, which is not something I usually do, and which I know is not an ideal way to look at the world.

But.  Seriously, what is the deal with men?

The local news had a story last weekend about a young guy (in his 20s I believe) who showed up at his ex-girlfriend's house.  When her mother answered the door, he shot her.  This was because the daughter had broken up with him.

This or some variation of it seems to happen a lot.  Men who have somehow been wronged, or one of my least favorite words, "disrespected," turn to violence against the woman/children/her family as their first line of action.  I'm not saying that women don't occasionally behave poorly after a break-up, but I don't hear about as many of them killing or badly injuring anyone.

In what world does it happen that your girlfriend dumps you, or you get a divorce, or your ex gets remarried, and the ONLY choice you have is to "get even" by killing them?  I'm being serious.  I don't get it.  I get being angry, hurt, even mortified.  But even on my worst day, it wouldn't occur to me to kill someone over anything like that. 

On a lesser note, but still as ridiculous to me, are men who immediately turn to extreme language name-calling if you do not 100% agree with what they have said. 

I have two examples that happened recently to yours truly.

Example 1:

I  attended a going away party for a neighbor.  OK, it was not so much a party as it was a small get-together with wine and cheese.  But I digress.  I got a glass of wine, and was talking to another neighbor who knew a lot more people than I did, and a short while later, there were about 7-8 people who had joined us.  Someone mentioned that they had been to the gym that day.  One of the men said, "Well, be careful that you don't work out so much that you look like that she-man, Michelle Obama!"  Everyone laughed but me.  I started to walk away, and another man asked me where I was going.  I responded that I was going to wish the moving-away neighbor well, and head home.  He said, "What - you don't like us?"  And foolishly, I said, "I wasn't comfortable with the conversation.  I happen to admire Michelle Obama."  That's all I said.  And I said it politely, in a normal tone of voice. 

He responded by immediately flying into a rage, and yelling, "Well then get out of here, you ____, ____, miserable libtard!"  (I cannot bring myself to even type the first letter of two of the words, but let's just say there are words used only at females.)  Another guy from the group said, "What did she do?" and as he was regaling them with my offending comment, I hustled out of there and headed home. 

I was really upset by this - not at anyone disagreeing with me, but by how quickly it had escalated and become me vs. them.  Yes, I could have just said something benign like, "I'm heading home, I'm tired," but a) I didn't, and b) I shouldn't have had to worry about it in the first place.  But it went from zero to 100 mph *immediately.*

Example 2:

This is from Facebook, where I know people are happy to hide behind being online, but it's still just as ridiculous.

There is a local reporter who is an architecture critic for the local newspaper.  She writes really interesting columns, and I follow her on Facebook.  Last weekend, she posted a link to an article about some local hair salons that were looking into using hair dye that was not dangerous to their clients.  The article discussed some of the dangerous chemicals, etc. used in hair dye.  The reporter posted the link with the comment: "This is good news for those of us who color our hair."

Then other people posted comments about the article, but one man commented "I think Ms. ____ should stick to writing about architecture," and a woman responded, "I respectfully disagree - she can write about whatever topic she likes."  His immediate response (and trust me, I'm paraphrasing) was that she should go home, mind her own business, and serve her purpose of having babies.  To say it had escalated quickly was an understatement.  And then he proceeded to lambast any other female who commented, regardless of what they had said. 

Because I am nosy (or to quote my mother, I am a "nebshit,"), I went to his FB page, where from what he had posted, it appeared he was an older man in a relationship with another man.  His FB page was benign as far as posts so if you had only looked at that, you'd think he was just a regular person.

I don't get this.  And it also makes me angry.  I'm really tired of having to tiptoe around men in case their fragile egos are offended.  And especially when they don't seem to make any effort to be considerate in the first place.  Plus, since overall most men are physically larger than I am, there's always the threat of physical violence lurking in the background.

I don't expect people to get along perfectly, or that the sun will shine, flowers will bloom, and birds will sing happily every day while I skip to and fro going about my business.  But I do expect basic civility, from women AND men. 

It seems to me that anyone whose immediate response is violence is the one with the problem.  And I also think a lot of it starts with the belief that "Boys will be boys."

OK, I'm done, and this rant is over.  I just had to get it off of my chest without worrying that someone would go batshit crazy.

Thanks for listening.